Military life asks a lot of a marriage. Long deployments, TDYs, last-minute schedule changes, PCS moves, time zones that never line up, and months of holding down the home front alone—it’s a lot for any couple to carry. If you’re spending big stretches of life apart from the person you love, please hear this: you don’t have to white-knuckle through it alone, and your marriage can do far more than survive military life. It can grow stronger because of it.
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Why Military Marriages Need Extra Support
Every marriage takes work, but military couples face challenges most people never have to think about: repeated separations, the stress and uncertainty of deployment, frequent moves far from family, parenting solo for months at a time, and the very real adjustment of coming back together afterward. Over a career, that can add up to years apart. None of it means your marriage is weak—it means you’re doing something genuinely hard. The couples who thrive aren’t the ones who feel it less; they’re the ones who build the right support and habits to get through it together.
How to Keep Your Marriage Strong Through Deployment and Distance
- Build a real support system—don’t go it alone. Lean on family, friends, your faith community, and (especially) other military spouses who get it. Going through long separations in isolation is the hardest way to do it; a good circle keeps you steady, motivated, and sane.
- Communicate on purpose. Distance and time zones make connection harder, so be intentional about it—set regular call times, send voice notes, and talk about the real stuff, not just logistics. A few communication tips go a long way, and pillow talk questions work great over video too.
- Stay connected in small daily ways. Handwritten letters, surprise care packages, a shared playlist, watching the same show “together” from afar, or a countdown to homecoming. Little, consistent touchpoints keep you feeling like a team across any distance. (Our deployment guide has lots more.)
- Protect your own wellbeing. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and deployment is stressful on the spouse at home, too. Guard your sleep, stay active, ask for help, and don’t tough out anxiety or depression alone—free, confidential support is available (see below).
- Plan for homecoming and reintegration. Even a joyful reunion takes adjustment: routines and roles shifted while your spouse was gone, and you’ve both changed. Go slow, talk openly, and give each other grace. If your service member is struggling after a hard deployment, our guide to supporting a spouse with PTSD can help. And for the reunion itself, don’t miss our welcome-home gift ideas.
- Keep the romance alive—even from afar. Flirt, reminisce, plan the date you’ll go on when they’re back, and keep dreaming together. Distance doesn’t have to mean disconnection. Try a few long-distance date night ideas in the meantime.
A Roadmap for Every Stage of Deployment
A deployment moves through distinct seasons, and we have a guide for each one. Wherever you are in the cycle, start here:
- Saying Goodbye — ideas and encouragement for the send-off.
- While Apart — our deployment guide for staying connected through the long middle stretch.
- Military Date Night — long-distance date ideas to keep romance alive from anywhere.
- Coming Home — welcome-home gift ideas and tips for the big reunion.
Keep Romance Alive Across the Miles
If you’re facing a deployment, a TDY, or any long stretch apart, our Long Distance Love Kit was made for exactly this season. It’s packed with ways to stay close from anywhere: a long-distance care package, a date-in-a-box, a countdown tracker, a “long-distance prescription” gift, and a bundle of romance tips for couples who are far apart.
Trusted Resources for Military Families
There is a whole network of free, legitimate support built specifically for military families. These are the ones worth bookmarking:
- Military OneSource — The Department of Defense’s central hub: free, confidential non-medical counseling (including for couples), marriage and relationship resources, deployment support, and a 24/7 helpline.
- OurRelationship — A free, research-backed online program to strengthen your relationship, offered to military couples through Military OneSource.
- Blue Star Families — A nonprofit that connects military families to community, resources, and each other.
- National Military Family Association — Advocacy and resources for military families, including spouse scholarships and retreats.
- USO — Programs that keep service members connected to family through deployment and homecoming.
- Operation Gratitude — Send care packages and letters to deployed service members and veterans.
Helpful Reads for Military Couples
A few books military spouses and couples have found encouraging over the years:
- I Love a Man in Uniform by Lily Burana
- Separated by Duty, United in Love by Shellie Vandevoorde
- Faith Deployed by Jocelyn Green
- Chicken Soup for the Military Wife’s Soul
Military Marriage FAQs
Communicate intentionally and regularly despite time zones, stay connected through small daily gestures like letters and care packages, build a strong support system so you’re not alone at home, protect your own mental health, and plan ahead for the reintegration adjustment when your spouse returns.
Military OneSource offers free, confidential non-medical counseling, marriage enrichment programs, and the OurRelationship online program for couples. Nonprofits like Blue Star Families, the National Military Family Association, and the USO provide community and support, and Operation Gratitude helps you send care packages to deployed loved ones.
Lean on a support system of family, friends, faith community, and fellow military families; keep communication steady; create routines and homecoming countdowns; and prioritize self-care. Connecting with others who truly understand military life makes a huge difference.
Homecoming kicks off reintegration — the adjustment period after a deployed spouse returns. Even a joyful reunion takes work, because roles and routines shifted while they were gone and both spouses have changed. Go slow, communicate, and give each other grace. If your spouse is struggling with trauma, our guide to supporting a spouse with PTSD can help.
You’ve Got This—Together
Thank you to every service member and military spouse reading this—the sacrifices you make for your country and your family don’t go unnoticed. Military marriage is hard, but with the right support, steady communication, and a whole lot of love across the miles, yours can come through every deployment stronger than before. For more encouragement, explore our best marriage tips—and hang in there. You’ve got this, together.
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We love your comments
I really like the list of resources you complied. I love this site and its refreshing to see someone take an interest in military relationships.
I just posted about your giveaway on my Facebook page!
I would love to win some family photos from Mary Kay Photography. My husband just returned from a deployment in Iraq, family photos would be great since the kids have changed so much. Thanks!!
I also posted about this giveaway on my facebook!
I am entering for the Mary Kay Photography! I would love to win! My hubby just returned from being in Iraq for a year! We need new family pictures! What a wonderful week of giveaways!
Just assigned to JBER, Alaska. Entering for Elordi photography!!!
Entering to win Elordi photography photoshoot
I just posted on Facebook as well for the extra entry 🙂
I have loved all of the posts the last week. And appreciate the books and blogs listed. We are fairly new to military life, but my husband has been gone to training since the beginning of the year.
I’m entering to win the Mary Kay photoshoot, we will be traveling there in the fall.
Thanks again.
Also posted on my facebook!
I live in Salt Lake City so I am entering for the Utah photo package. My husband is currently serving overseas on his second deployment. We have two beautiful children. Harlee 6, and Caiden 3 months. My husband has not seen our little boy since he was two weeks old and missed the birth by 3 days!! We send him as many pictures as we can, but I would love the opportunity to surprise him with professional photos. I just want to say thanks for having a military support week. Its so great to see so much support for our military men and women and their families!
Military Books:
God Strong: The Military Wife’s Spiritual Survival Guide by Sara Horn
Tour of Duty: Preparing Our Hearts for Deployment by Sara Horn
Confessions of a Military Wife by Mollie Gross
Faith Deployed. . .Again: More Daily Encouragement for Military Wives by Jocelyn Green
Wives of the Warriors by Ronda Sturgill
God + Military Spouse: United Our Families Will Stand by Kathleen Cline
On the Frontline: A Personal Guidebook for the Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual Challenges of Military Life by Tom Neven
Hope for the Home Front: Winning the Emotional and Spiritual Battles of a Military Wife by Marshéle Carter Waddell
Hope for the Home Front Bible Study: Winning the Emotional and Spiritual Battles of a Military Wife by Marshéle Carter Waddell
A Prayer Journey Through Deployment by Donna Mull
Called to Serve: Encouragement, Support, and Inspiration for Military Families by Tony Monetti & Penny Monetti
Standing By: The Making of an American Military Family in a Time of War by Alison Buckholtz
The Other Side of War by Jessica Caputo
Help! I’m a Military Spouse–I Get a Life Too!: How to Craft a Life for You As You Move With the Military, Second Edition by Kathie Hightower and Holly Scherer
Married to the Military: A Survival Guide for Military Wives, Girlfriends, and Women in Uniform by Meredith Leyva
Chicken Soup for the Military Wife’s Soul: Stories to Touch the Heart and Rekindle the Spirit (Chicken Soup for the Soul) by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Charles Preston, & Cindy Pedersen
A Year of Absence: Six women’s stories of courage, hope and love by Jessica Redmond
While They’re At War: The True Story of American Families on the Homefront by Kristin Henderson
Under the Sabers: The Unwritten Code of Army Wives by Tanya Biank
Today’s Military Wife by Lydia Cline
The Military Father: A Hands-on Guide for Deployed Dads by Armin A. Brott
The Military Marriage Manual: Tactics for Successful Relationships by Janelle Hill
A Family’s Guide to the Military For Dummies Sheryl Garrett & Sue Hoppin
The Military Wives’ Cookbook: 200 Years of Traditions, Recipes, and Remembrances by Carolyn Quick Tillery
Surviving Deployment: A Guide for Military Families by Karen M. Pavlicin
After the War Zone: A Practical Guide for Returning Troops and Their Families by Ph.D. Matthew J. Friedman Ph.D., Ph.D. Laurie B. Slone Ph.D.
365 Deployment Days: A Wife’s Survival Story by Sara Dawalt
Loving Your Military Man: A Study for Women Based on Philippians 4:8 by Beatrice Fishback
Defending the Military Marriage by Jim Fishback & Bea Fishback
What a great list! A few of those we are giving away this week, for Military week so make sure to enter if you haven’t already. All These books look like they would be so helpful!
I also posted about the giveaway on Facebook.
Thanks for the awesome giveaway! I’m entering to win with Mary Kay Photography.
Two books that my children read over and over during my husbands last deployment:
Over There by Dorinda Silver Williams, LCSW-C (There is a mommy and a daddy version. The book talks about how daddy does the same things we do, like eat, sleep, play, have people care about him.)
Guess How Much I Miss You by Julia Lobo (This is a record a story book. My husband read the book to our kids and it was recorded. They listened to him read this book over and over while he was gone, and I probably cried every time, am doing so now just thinking about it. It was great that they could hear his voice any time they missed him.)
What great ideas! Those sound like really cute books, thank you for sharing with us!
Posted this giveaway on facebook. 😀
We live in GA but y sister is getting married in Utah September and we’re flying out for that. SO…I would like Mary Kay Photography. 😀 I am now officially her fan on facebook (and following her blog!).
I also shared on my FB for the extra entry 🙂
My hubby has been an active duty Marine for the past 17 years! We’re stationed at Camp Williams, UT so I’d LOVE to win the session from Mary Kay Photography!
We can travel to Utah so I am entering the Mary Kay session. I would love a photography session with my hubby in uniform to honor his deployment to Iraq. He got home last July so we are celebrating his one year anniversary of his return to us.
Thanks for this giveaway!!!
Would love to win a photo session with Jorgensen Portraiture – {Maryland}! Thanks!
I just posted this on my facebook page!!! Thank you for this giveaway and for the dating ideas for military families!!!
We live in Bountiful, so Mary Kay photography is the one I’m entering for!:) I’m so excited! and I hope to win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:)
another children’s book for deployment: “We Serve Too” (https://weservetoo.com/). love love love this book! there are even free downloads on the website for printable stickers to personalize the book to your branch.
also, check out Daddy Dolls (https://www.daddydolls.com/). We are experiencing our 1st deployment & my 3 year old loves that whenever he feels sad he can hug his daddy… and sometimes he just likes to bring him along on our errands 🙂
p.s. FABULOUS giveaway!! i wish i lived in one of those states! 🙂
Thanks so much for suggesting a few more ideas to add to our list!