Saying Goodbye Before Deployment: Pre-Deployment Ideas for Couples

Will my spouse be safe? How often will we get to talk? How am I ever going to make it through this—and how do I even say goodbye? If you’re staring down an upcoming deployment, those questions probably feel all too familiar. Nothing can replace the physical presence of your husband or wife, but there’s a lot you can do to make the send-off sweeter and set your whole family up to weather the months ahead.

This pre-deployment guide walks you through two things: how to turn your final weeks together into memories you’ll both hold onto, and how to check the practical boxes so daily life runs smoothly once your spouse is gone. A little intentional preparation now can make all the difference later.

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This guide is part of our complete military marriage series. Once you’ve made it through the goodbye, you’ll find links to every other stage of the deployment journey at the bottom of this post.

Making the Most of Your Time Before Deployment

One of the best things you can do before your spouse ships out is stockpile happy memories. No one knows exactly what they’ll face in the field, so sending them off with a treasure trove of good times to look back on is a genuine gift—and those shared memories keep your love and commitment strong through the months apart. Talk together about what you’d most like to do with your remaining time, then pick a few (or all!) of these ideas:

• Take fresh family photos. Send your spouse off with up-to-date pictures of everyone they love. It’s a sweet bonding activity and a keepsake they’ll treasure in the field.
• Have the conversations that matter. Mix the serious logistics talks with plenty of lighter, connecting conversation. A deck of questions or at-home date nights can help you keep talking and laughing right up until the goodbye.
• Plan a special night out (or in). Make each of your last few evenings count with a memorable date—dinner somewhere meaningful, a picnic under the stars, or a cozy night at home.
• Keep the spark alive. Soon things will be a lot less, well, amorous—so make the most of now. Our roundup of sexy games for couples is a fun place to start.
• Get outside together. A hike, a day trip, or any outdoor adventure is a simple, memory-making way to soak up time together before the big day.
• Have a movie marathon. Gather the family and work through your spouse’s favorite films. Easy, cozy, and full of togetherness.
• Cook a favorite meal at home. Mess-hall food isn’t exactly gourmet, so a home-cooked favorite is a loving pre-deployment send-off.
• Give the kids one-on-one time. Carve out special solo dates between each child and the deploying parent—those memories mean the world to little ones.
• Start a countdown together. A heart-filled countdown in the final days before departure turns the lead-up into something sweet instead of only sad. You can even write Open When letters for your spouse to take with them.

The Pre-Deployment Checklist: Practical Tasks to Handle Together

Saying goodbye is hard—but it’s the everyday logistics that can trip you up if they’re not sorted out ahead of time. Work through these practical must-dos together so the more ordinary side of life runs smoothly in your spouse’s absence:

• Build a go-to contacts list. Jot down plumbers, electricians, mechanics, and handy friends who can tackle the jobs your spouse usually handles.
• Get a quick repair crash course. Ask your spouse to walk you through (or write out) simple home fixes. You’ll save money and feel awfully proud the first time you fix the garbage disposal yourself.
• Prep for emergencies. Check that your first-aid kit is stocked and that everyone has access to 72 hours of food and water. Decide now how you’ll reach your deployed spouse if a crisis hits at home.
• Share the schedules. If the deploying spouse is the primary caregiver, sit down and hand off routines, provider info, and babysitter contacts so the transition is smooth for the kids.
• Make a communication plan. Agree on how you’ll stay in touch—calls, letters, video, apps—and set a loose schedule for the kids too. Structure keeps everyone saner.
• Get on the same page about money. Know your account balances, how to pay every bill, and where key financial documents live. Our guide to marriage and money can help you tackle this as a team.
• Decide your talking points. Agree in advance which topics you’ll share during deployment and which might cause needless worry, then keep the stressful stuff off the line while your spouse is away.

Books & Resources to Prepare Together

Reading up together won’t make the goodbye painless, but it will help you both know what to expect and give you tools for the hard emotions that surface. These are a few of our favorites—plus two free, trusted organizations every military family should have bookmarked.

For Couples

• Journey Through Deployment — Encouragement and practical tips to help couples face a separation with confidence.
• The Five Love Languages: Military Edition — The beloved classic, adapted for the unique rhythms of military life and long separations.
• Tour of Duty: Preparing Our Hearts for Deployment — A faith-based read that helps couples prepare emotionally and spiritually for time apart.
• Separated by Duty, United in Love — Written by an Army veteran and military spouse, a comprehensive guide to read before and during deployment.

For Kids

• Brave Like Me — A gentle National Geographic picture book that teaches little ones how to be brave while a parent is away.
• Hero Dad — A sweet story that casts a deployed dad as a superhero—an idea young kids instantly connect with.
• Hero Mom — The companion to Hero Dad, with the same superhero spin for military moms.
• Lily Hates Goodbyes — Follows a little girl whose dad is in the military, with a parent discussion section to help kids name their feelings.
• Helping Your Young Child Cope With a Parent’s Deployment — A parent handbook full of discussion topics and activities for younger children.

Free Support Organizations

• Military OneSource — Free, confidential counseling, financial coaching, and deployment resources from the Department of Defense, available 24/7.
• National Military Family Association — Scholarships, retreats, and practical resources built around the real needs of military families.

A Roadmap for Every Stage of Deployment

Saying goodbye is just the first chapter. Wherever you are in the deployment cycle, we’ve got a guide to walk you through it:

• Military Marriage: Staying Strong Through Deployment & Distance — The big-picture guide to keeping your marriage strong through every phase.
• While Apart — How to care for yourself and stay closely connected once the deployment is underway.
• Date Night (Apart & Together) — Creative ways to keep dating your spouse across the miles.
• Coming Home — Navigating the reunion and easing back into life together after deployment.

By pouring into your family, each other, and the bond you already share, you’ll walk into deployment day as ready as you can be. It won’t be easy—but you two are strong, and you don’t have to do it alone. We’re cheering you on. XOXO

Pre-Deployment FAQs